Articles about birth order included to give some insight into Nelson’s character because he was a first born child.

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Birth Order

Where a child places in the birth order can have an effect on how he sees himself.  Research on birth order, sometimes referred to as ordinal position, shows that first born children are more likely to go to college than children in any other position in the family.  Parents should attempt to help each child to see themselves as unique individuals and avoid comparisons with siblings or others.

The middle child often seems to have the most negative impressions of his lot in life.  One approach to help middle children reframe things is to point out that in a sense they have the best of both worlds.  They are the youngest to the older sibling and the oldest to the younger sibling.  Therefore they are both a big brother/sister and a little brother/sister.  Younger children always want to be able to do the things older siblings are allowed to do.  And older siblings may feel that the younger siblings get away with things they were not able to when they were the same age.

The following characteristics will not apply to all children in every family.  Typical characteristics, however, can be identified:

ONLY CHILD

Feels incompetent because adults are more capable.

Is center of attention; often enjoys position.  May feel special.

Self-centered. Relies on service from others rather than own efforts.

Feels unfairly treated when doesn’t get own way.  May refuse to cooperate.
Plays “divide and conquer” to get own way.

May have poor peer relations as child but better relations as adult.² 

Pleases other only when wants to.

FIRST CHILD

Creative.³

May have striving characteristics of oldest and inadequacy feelings and demands of youngest.Is only child for period of time; used to being center of attention.

Believes must gain and hold superiority over other children.

Being right, controlling often important.

May respond to birth of second child by feeling unloved and neglected.

Strives to keep or regain parents’ attention through conformity. If this failed, chooses to misbehave.

May develop competent, responsible behavior or become very discouraged.

Sometime strives to protect and help others.

Strives to please.

SECOND CHILD

Never has parents’ undivided attention.

Always has sibling ahead who’s more advanced.

Acts as if in race, trying to catch up or overtake first child.  If first child is “good,” second may become “bad.”  Develops abilities first child doesn’t exhibit.  If first child successful, may feel uncertain of self and abilities.

May be rebel.  Often doesn’t like position.

Feels “squeezed” if third child is born.  May push down other siblings.

MIDDLE CHILD OF THREE

Has neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.  Feels life is unfair.

Feels unloved, left out, “squeezed.”

Feels doesn’t have place in family.

Becomes discouraged and “problem child” or elevates self by pushing down other siblings.

Is adaptable. Learns to deal with both oldest and youngest sibling.

YOUNGEST CHILD

Behaves like only child.

Feels every one bigger and more capable.

Expects others to do things, make decisions, take responsibility.

Feels smallest and weakest. May not be taken seriously.

Becomes boss of family in getting service and own way.

Develops feelings of inferiority or becomes “speeder” and overtakes older siblings.

Remains “The Baby.” Places others in service.

If youngest of three, often allies with oldest child against middle child.

NOTES: 1.  The middle child of three is usually different from the middle child of a large family.  The middle children of large families are often less competitive as parents don’t have as much time to give each child and so the children learn to cooperate to get what they want.  2.  Only children usually want to be adults, and so don’t relate to peers very well.  When they become adults, they often believe they’ve finally “made it” and can now relate better to adults as peers.  3.  During their formative years, only children live primarily in the world of adults.  They must learn how to operate in the big people’s world as well as how to entertain themselves.  Thus they often become very creative in their endeavors.

(Adapted from Don Dinkmeyer, Gary D. McKay, and Don Dinkmeyer, Jr., Parent Education Leader’s Manual Coral Springs, F:; CMTI Press, 1978)

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/birth_order.htm

Oldest, Youngest, In Between

by Mary Penn

You really had nothing to say about it. You certainly can’t change it, but it has an important effect on the way you act and the kind of person you are. Did you know that birth order — that is, whether you’re the oldest, youngest or stuck in the middle of the children in your family — is a powerful part of forming your personality and will play a significant role in your life?

By the time you were 5 or 6 years old, your personality traits had already formed. Your family life was your first classroom of learning how to behave in the world. The ways your family members reacted to you and treated you painted a picture in your mind. The picture was of yourself and who you are.

It was from your family that you learned how boys and girls are supposed to act and how youngest, middle and oldest children are to behave. You learned your role so well that you will live it the rest of your life.

Taking the Lead
If you’re the oldest child or an only child, your mom and dad were inexperienced parents when you were born. Everything you did from your first step to your first word was new and wonderful. You were often disciplined, but given lots of attention and praise.

Because your parents had high expectations, you likely became a responsible leader. Many of our presidents were oldest children. For example, Presidents Lyndon Johnson, Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter were all firstborns. Twenty-one of the first 23 astronauts were oldest or only children, too.

Learn More About Yourself
Here are characteristics of people of various birth orders. Check them out and see which ones apply to you. Remember, your birth order doesn’t define you, but the following characteristics may offer insight to why you act the way you do.

Oldest and only children can be
Perfectionists
Worriers
Leaders
Competent
Good students
Hard workers, conscientious
And they may
Have trouble accepting others’ mistakes
Put pressure on themselves
Overcommit

http://www.briomag.com/briomagazine/relationships/a0004402.html

Did you know…

• That almost all of the U.S. Presidents were either the first-born child or the first-born son in their families?
• All but two of the first astronauts sent into space were first-borns, and the other two were “only children”?

Famous First-Borns

Here are some personality traits that are common in first-borns:

Confident: All that attention over everything you do makes you more likely to believe in yourself.

Determined: Because your family might depend on you to get things done, you’re probably good about finishing the projects you start.

Born Leader: Whether on the soccer field or in the classroom, you are often in charge. Oldest children are usually given the responsibility of baby-sitting and taking care of the house, so they get early training in being the boss.

Organized: You probably know where to find things, like your books, your Mom’s keys, or your homework assignment. Even if your folders are a little messy, it’s likely that you have a system.

Eager to Please: It’s easy for oldest children to fall into this routine because they started out with a very strong need for Mom and Dad’s approval, and eventually this spilled over to other adults such as teachers or coaches. When there’s a job to be done, it’s usually a first-born who jumps up and says “I’ll do it!”

Likes to Avoid Trouble: When people expect a great deal from you, it can be hard to speak up or complain about something. You might not want to be seen as causing problems or less than “perfect.”

So, being the oldest has its up and downs. There’s definitely some pressure that comes with it! Parents might expect more of you and be more strict, especially if they’re still setting up the rules of the family.

If you’re a first-born, these feelings may be familiar:

• “Everyone depends on me.”
• “I can’t get away with anything.”
• “I don’t get to be a kid.”
• “Why do I have to do it? Nobody else does anything around here.”
• “How come I’m responsible for what my little brother or sister did?”

Given the role that a first-born plays in a family, these feelings are understandable…and very common! However, that doesn’t mean you can’t change things. It’s important to talk to a parent about the responsibilities, expectations, and rules that you feel are unfair or are making you feel bad.

http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/family/birthorder/article2.html

Which number child are you?

Oldest child:

Highest achievers; Highest IQ; Greatest educational success and fewest academic problems; Highest motivation and need for achievement; Over represented among college students, graduate students, college faculty, and other learned groups; Most affiliative under stress.

http://www.jivemagazine.com/forum/printthread.php?t=1415