ENGAGE! Your Child Parenting Class. Focus – Ages 0 – 12 years

Sunday, January 19, 2014  – 6:00-8:00 pm at CCA

 Pastor Steve will be focusing on the foundations and goals of parenting.

Before we can answer any of the “how to” questions of parenting it is critical to understand the biblical reason and foundation for parenting.

During our time we will focus on the five pillars of parenting.

Five Pillars of Parenting

1. 1.                  Worldview
2. 2.                  Training
3. 3.                  Purpose
4. 4.                  Discipline
5. 5.                  Goals

Hello Friends!

My wife, Julie,  attended a parenting workshop at my church last night and decided to type up her notes to take to heart the teachings presented and what I learned. It was designed for parents of children ages 0 to 12. She went anyway and enjoyed it immensely. Maybe there’s a grain of gold there that you could be blessed by. Happy parenting!

Parenting Principles: Behavior is just the tip of the iceberg

FIVE PILLARS OF PARENTING

On Sunday, January 19^th, Pastor Steve of Kishwaukee Bible Church led a workshop entitled Engage! Your Child. Engage has been the theme of all the church’s programs since November, spanning marriage, family, community and the world. This was a 2-hour class focused on parents of children 0-12 years old. The first hour was devoted to presentation of the five pillars. After a short break, during the second hour two families of the church, who are well experienced in raising children, served on a panel fielding questions submitted, providing a mature view of parenthood as those with teenagers and adult children.

The job of parenting has been entrusted to sinners since the dawn of time by God’s design. Part of parenting is recognizing our own sinfulness and finding God’s wisdom to love and serve our children. Another part is remembering that God is the giver of life, who intends that each person till the earth and make their own contribution to make the world a better place. Since we are all God’s children, we need to look to him to find our individual roles as parents and children to one another in this life. There is a lot of perceived losses associate with parenting such as time and other interests, but those same sacrifices in another light are the investments that later reap rich rewards for the whole family.

Pillar #1 – Worldview

What are we trying to accomplish as parents? The overall goal of parenting can be defined as shaping the worldview of our children in a godly and biblical manner. Human beings are born with a wrong world view encompassing the ideas that God’s way is not best, that “I” should be king of my life, and that “I” would make a better God. So the shaping of a child’s worldview is not a neutral process but a supernatural one, because by nature there is a natural collision between God’s way and the unredeemed human condition.

In Deuteronomy chapter 6, Moses gave the Law to the children of Israel that survived the 40 years of desert training after the deliverance from Egyptian slavery. As the Israelites were about to enter the Promised Land, they needed to know what God expected of them. In verses 1-9 and verse 20-23 of this chapter, Moses taught them 4 things about God. First, that God is worthy of all affection. Second, that God is to be feared because his way is better, no matter the cost. Third, God is to obeyed, and his world of truth is the only secure anchor for life. Fourth, obedience must be driven by the grace of redemption to please God. It is an honor to be and to live as God’s people.

Deuteronomy 6:1-9, “Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. 4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (ESV)

Deuteronomy 6:20-23, “When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’ ²¹ then you shall say to your son, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. ²² And the Lord showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. ²³ And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers.” (ESV)

 Pillar #2 – Training

When a baby is born, the attention of the entire family shifts to that child and his or her every need. During the toddler years, children are the center of attention because they need so much love and care.  Yet the second principle of parenting is that it is the parents’ job to train their children not to view themselves as the center of the world.  Each person must find their place in community, part of a family, part of a church, part of a city and part of the world – and that place is not at the center of any of these institutions. Children need to fall under the shepherding and guidance of their parents in the family first, and then to navigate the world discovering who they are to everyone else on earth. There is a realization that each must come to, that “It’s not about me.”

 Pillar #3 – Purpose

While the ultimate goal of parenting is to influence a godly worldview, the purposes of all parenting activities are to nurture and raise the child then send them out into the world as functioning adults. All loving, shepherding, training, instructing and disciplining should be administered by parents with a sense of stewardship. Each person is created for good work yet to be discovered, and I am to raise and send my child out to accomplish that work. The whole system and all its activities were designed by God and for his purposes.

 Pillar #4 – Discipline

Without addressing the heart of a child, discipline will fail. The subtitle of this evening’s talk was “Behavior is just the tip of the iceberg.”  Discipline that addresses only behavior does no go deep or wide enough to address the true matters of the heart. Discipline delivered in anger leaves two sinners in distress (both parent and child), while discipline delivered with mercy and gentleness leaves both experiencing restoration. Don’t take the easy way of anger. Parents may need to take time to disengage and cool off before administering discipline, and when they do, the consequences should matter but need not hurt.

Pillar #5 – Goals

Remember that every parent goes through different seasons as children grow up, so there are age-appropriate goals of parenting that require different approaches as parents.

Age 0 to 5      >          Your Voice

Age 6 to 10    >          Your Pattern

Age 11 to 20  >          Your Heart

In the first stage, the basic authority of Mom & Dad is established using clear communication, especially regarding basic dangers in life such as touching hot objects. Raising one’s voice need not be necessary if actions can be modified and consequences can be administered without doing so. In the second stage, children are observing the patterns of their parents, noticing how they live what they say they believe and value. In the third stage, children are comparing themselves to their parents, picking up the ways we are actually living, and deciding which ways they will go. For teenagers, the perspective must always be that we are not dealing just with behaviors but with matters of the heart.