Session 2:  Engage Your Family – How to Share the Gospel With Our Family

9/18/13    Group discussion facilitated by Pastor Steve.

Note taking and expounding by Kevin E. Jesmer

 return to world mission page      outline to this discussion

return to KBC Link      link to the Engage 2013 page

Matthew 13:57b-58, “But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.” ⁵⁸ And he did not do many mighty works there, because of their unbelief.” (ESV)

Sometimes we are at a loss as to how to share with family members.  Each of us has a story that is different and equally as tough. Jesus even tells us in the Bible that it will not be easy sharing the Gospel with close family members. Look at Matthew 13:57b-58, “But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.” ⁵⁸ And he did not do many mighty works there, because of their unbelief.” (ESV) Actually, when I (Kevin) was receiving rejection from those close to me, this verse helped to verify the truth of the Bible, for the Bible tells us this will happen and it truly happened. These principles are true for each of us. Each story is personal and very complex and there are no “cookie cutter” solutions on how to deal with it.

Let’s think as a group on how to share the gospel with your family. We will think about the mindset and the mission. Then we will in a series of take home points.

First, the Mindset:

Think about this scenario. If there was a man who was a president of a nation and was going to donate the church millions of dollars, would that affect our interaction with him? Probably, We may try to treat that person as any other member of the church, but that is almost impossible to do. Why? Human beings are interpreters. No one is a neutral observer. We interpret everything though our own colored lenses. In our mindset we interpret everything around us.

There are limitations to our interpretations. Most of the time we are not interpreting things properly. We are very biased. What do we do? Well, we need to see things from God’s point of view. We need to have the mindset of the Gospel. What is the mindset of the gospel. The gospel should alter how we engage someone who is not a believer; be it a family member or a stranger. Let’s think about this a little more deeply.

What is the Gospel? 1 Corinthians 15: 1-7, “Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, ² and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. ³ For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, ⁴ that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, ⁵ and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. ⁶ Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep. ⁷ Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles.”  The Gospel is the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus. It is a historical event. The Gospel has content. It is a message. It is message about an event. The gospel also means “good news” in Greek. The Gospel is good news! We have a sin problem that keeps us the darkness. But the gospel solves our sin problem. This is good news. Great News!

The Gospel is the true reality. We have been shown this reality by Christ. We have this gospel and there is content to it. Let’s explore the content together:

1.  Jesus’ suffering, death and resurrection.

2.  God’s mercy and love

3.  God’s solution – The Gospel saves people from God’s wrath

4. God’s news – it is the life giving truth of God.

Knowing the content, why share this gospel? 

1. It is giving and life changing.

2. It meets the deepest need of humanity.

3. People are going to be condemned if they don’t accept the Gospel.

4. We care commanded to share it. (Romans 1:5: grace and apostleship)

5. It automatically comes from the overflow of our hearts.

What is the goal of our sharing the Gospel? Colossians 1:13-14, “He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” The goal is to be brought into the kingdom of the Son he loves…Jesus’ Kingdom. When one believes the Gospel, though faith, there is relocation. We are coming from the domain of darkness. This is a horrible kingdom to belong to, but we belonged to it. Upon believing, we are brought into Jesus.  We have been transferred into the kingdom where Jesus is Lord and King.

What is Paul’s goal in sharing the gospel? Look at Colossians 1: 28-29, “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. ²⁹ For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.”  Paul wants all Christians to mature in Christ. Therefore the ultimate end in our sharing is to present people mature in Christ.

Jesus himself was not content with people just being believers. He wanted them to grow to be disciples. Look at John 8:31, “So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,” Many Jews believed in Jesus, but Jesus wanted them to move forward and be disciples. Believing is wonderful, but it is just a start on our journey here on earth.

If we have in mind that people must mature in their faith then we realize that there is a process going on here. If we are just trying to share the gospel, we look for single opportunities to lead a person through a prayer of faith for example. But if we are concerning about people maturing in their faith we are committed to building a deeper relationship. In other words, we should want more than just wanting people to be saved. Matthew 28 calls us to make disciples of all nations. Can we change our mindset as we approach family members? Keep Christ in the forefront of your thinking.  Our focal point is to see our family members saved and to go onto to mature in Christ. This practically means to commit to the process. Take an interest in every aspect of their life. See them as a “total” person. Our lives should be saying, “I want to serve and love you because you are loved by God.”  I

Think of this process in this way. Think about a wedding day. Our wedding day is not just the end of a relationship but it is a beginning. Also think about the resurrection.  Death is not the end everything but it is the beginning. We need to take a broader approach, looking for opportunities in a variety of ways. Our family’s rejection is only the beginning. Even though our family members may seem far away from faith in Jesus, we can think “I am going to start discipling my loved one right now. I am going to talk about Christ and his kingdom now and as our two world views collide then those can be gospel moments in which I can demonstrate the Gospel.”

What is it so hard to do this?  Why is it that a prophet is without honor in his own household?

1. They know your old lives. Matthew 13:53-57a, “And when Jesus had finished these parables, he went away from there, ⁵⁴ and coming to his hometown he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works? ⁵⁵ Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? ⁵⁶ And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” ⁵⁷ And they took offense at him.” (ESV). So often we come from a relationship loaded with baggage… past relations, and plans.

2. We want to be accepted by them.

3.  They have a plan for us and our decision to follow Jesus puts a wrench in the plans.

4. They our on the defensive. Our decisions make them feel judged and condemned.

5. We have these two competing worlds. 1 Peter 4:1-4, “Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, ² so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. ³ For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. ⁴ With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you;” (ESV)

6. This is spiritual warfare. There is a spiritual battle going on. There is light and darkness. The darkness does not want to see the light. It does not want us to feel good. John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (or “understood it”) (NIV 2011) Keep in mind that the conflict is not with the family members themselves. It is a spiritual battle that must be fought in spiritual ways. Always remember Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (ESV)

We go into homes and there are all these conflicts and hurt. But we can pray for God to help them start this journey. We can not only pray, but also decide to model the Gospel before them.

Second: The Mission:

What are the greatest commandments? Matthew 22:35-40 reads, “And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”   Basically Jesus is saying, “Love God and love your neighbor.” That is the whole law. If you want to obey the whole law, then do this. But we think tend to justify ourselves thinking…who then is my neighbor? Jesus talks about the parable of the good Samaritan. That is hard it is like going to KKK convention and saying that an African American is the hero of the story. But that is what Jesus was telling the Pharisees.

We need to realize that our family members are our neighbors even though they are thousands of miles away. 1 Corinthians 13:1 reads, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” If you don’t have love for your neighbor then you are like a loud noise,  that is useless, worthless and unpleasant. Do we love our family? Let’s be honest.  Let us pray, “Lord change my heart.” It is a decision. Love is an action. Love is a verb. The mission begins when we do not underestimate the power of love.

Our faith in Christ, makes loving our family members, possible. We are to do several things

1. Trust God as judge: Jesus was beat and he did not call out . He entrust the righteous judge. We want to retaliate. We need to recognize God, the Judge, and entrust everything to the righteous Judge. Let go of your own desires to make justice happen.  Don’t enter into the debate and the drama. Don’t go there. Take a long term view. Don’t bring it to the person. Take it to the Lord. Bring hurt and internal frustrations to God in prayer. He will comfort and heal and strengthen.

2. Forgive through the cross. Believe the cross is sufficient to cover over all of those sins.

3. Be Content now.  Not everything will be made just at this moment. But God will bring about his justice in his time.  We may want to write people off, but be content in the Lord. Maybe he will send others will shepherd them. But that doesn’t give us a right to write them off.

1 Corinthians 3: 4-6 reads, “For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human? ⁵ What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. ⁶ I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” There were different personalities where people were rallying around certain people, but each person takes a different roll in a person’s life. We may not have a roll that we want. But trust that there will be a number of people involved. We cannot give up our responsibilities. But don’t be laden with guilt that your family is not saved. God will send someone. But you don’t give up.

Spectrum of Evangelism (God Will Use You In Different Seasons)

How God works through is to reach family members may fall into a spectrum. It is possible that we may be the nurturer. You may be the one to raising awareness. The fruit of our efforts and prayers may become manifest decades later. You don’t know how God is going to use you right now. You don’t know God’s plan. You cannot allow decades of bitterness. Keep your heart and decide to nurture those whom you are called to love and serve. When we have this mindset then people can turn to us daily for spiritual advice and we can share the Gospel with them. One day they may surrender their hearts to the Lord. We need to say to ourselves, “Whatever my roll I want to be ready for it. I want to pray that people, in my sphere of influence, may become mature in Christ. Whatever role God chooses for me to serve I want to be content.”  You may not be on the front end of evangelism. But that is O.K.

In Conclusion

1. Live the change. Family members know your past and so you have to live the change.

2. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Grace is giving them what they don’t deserve because you were given what you didn’t deserve.

3. Love unconditionally…not conditionally.

4. Humility is taking the lower position. Accept the insults with grace.

5. Live with integrity. Don’t take short cuts in your life. People are watching you.

6. Live a life of service: Place their needs ahead of yours.

7. Live by the truth: Bring the substance of truth in your life and not just the information.

4.Try to engage with the questions they are asking. Don’t be afraid to enter their world to answer their questions. There can be opportunities to bring the gospel in the context of the person.

Jesus asked questions. Questions expose ignorance. We can reveal more by placing a well-placed question such as “why?” We don’t’ want to get into arguments. Let the people talk. When Adam sinned what is the first thing that God said, “Where are you?” God will open so many opportunities when we ask questions. There could be a peaceful way of asking preaching the gospel. Pray, “Lord, give me an interest in this person. What is makes this person tick?” and then begin to formulate questions.

5. Pray For Other Voices.  Most times we find ourselves unable to share the Gospel with our family, but God may be raising up someone else who can. We are not helpless. We can conceded that we may not be the ones and pray… “Lord, can you bring someone else to share the gospel. “

6. Done not answer mockers. Their folly will be made evident to all by God.

7. Perfection is not what is required. God does the saving.  We make mistakes.  But we take it to the Lord. We can have peace knowing God can work it out according to his own sovereign plan.  We don’t know how things will turn out, but we trust in the Lord. It does not depend on us, but on God.

8. Find ways to bless the family members.  Do you have a way to bless? This could be a way to honor the family and serve them in some way.

9.  Keep healthy boundaries but do not use this as an excuse to not love.