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Why People Don’t Like Talking About Things In A Shame/Honor Based Culture

Why People Don’t Like Talking About Things In A Shame/Honor Based Culture.

 By Kevin E. Jesmer                                                                                            8-2-16

elephant-in-the-room

Sometimes I wonder why so many people, whom God brought into my life, don’t want to talk about things, like mission, or mission strategy or mistakes made or being made or even about the good things that God is accomplishing among them. They are either not interested or avoiding conflict or just unable to engage in such conversation. Conversations are largely about benign things. We need small talk. I like small talk. But these things, but are not “digging deep” sort of speak or self reflective, in regards to Christian mission etc. My question is, “why do people avoid such topics, even when they are close friends in ministry?”

I for one invite conversations that are uncomfortable. I want to talk about the elephant that is sitting in the middle of the living room. Everyone knows it is there, but no one seems to acknowledge its presence, nor mention it. Why don’t people want to talk about the elephant? Why do people shy away from discussing mission strategy? I am not unique. I think that most people in America want to get things out in the open and discuss them, even if it is uncomfortable. It is part of our culture.

I think it has to do what type of culture we are immersed in. Some people are immersed in shame/honor based cultures, even in America, that hinders them from talking about things. I am not just talking people from Asian countries, but also Caucasian people who are immersed in shame/honor based cultures right here in America. It stops people from discussing things freely.

I was immersed in such a culture. I learned many good things, like respecting elders, and leaders and honoring others etc. I could learn a lot about Gospel ministry and obedience to the Bible’s teaching. But I lost the ability to question things affecting my life and talk about mission strategy, even though I wanted to do this for many, many years. I stood mute for so long. There are a couple events where I should have spoke up but remained quiet because of my immersion in a certain culture. For almost three decades I couldn’t describe what was happening to me. But I found a book that describes life in a shame/honor culture. It rang true to my experience in so many ways.

Life in such a subculture is not diabolical. No. It is just one way of living life. Our own western culture has its good points and bad points, like any other culture. I am happy that I discovered this book which explains so vividly what was going on.

The book is called, “The 3D Gospel. Ministry in Guilt, Shame and Fear Based Cultures.” It is written by Jayson Georges. 2014. I have included scans of five pages that describe what I am saying. Look at pages 20-24. It is really quite revealing. Let me know what you think…

3d gospel book

shame based p 20 shame based p 21 shame based p 22 shame based p 23 shame based p 24

 




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