I Will Not “Bite Off More Than I Can Chew”.                         by Kevin Jesmer 2-25-13

The whole point of my reflection writing this is that I am convinced that Christian leaders should not “bite off more than they can chew” in terms of Christian ministry. I was the leader of a house church from 1998 to 2012. In being a house church pastor I had very grand prayer topics and great vision for my house church. To pray for a goal and have a grand vision is good. But in pursuing the fulfillment of my prayers I implemented a huge program complete with weekly group Bible studies, Sunday worship service with a praise team, two prayer servants, special musicians, 5 to 10 1:1 Bible studies per week. (Both me and my wife).  Daily devotional meetings 5 to 6 days a week. A church bulletin. A church web site.  Leadership meetings every two weeks 70 miles away.  Coming up with weekly Sunday sermons.  Eating at a local community kitchen weekly. I created a huge program for my house church. Do you know how many people were faithfully involved in my house church? Mostly nine, seven of which were my own family members. Family is great. They were willing volunteers for most of these years. But at the end of these years most were less than willing. Christian life and ministry became a chore. But I kept the monolithic program. I created a  “rules bound” family. There was an intense time of spiritual struggle but recently I stopped the house church model and joined a community church. I dropped all rules governing my kid’s spiritual life, trusting that a strong spiritual foundation was laid and God would now guide them. I came to realize that God wanted to form, from among my family, something new…a way to serve God together.  But I had to “back off” for a time.

Now I have begun to re approach mission in my life and family. All things are still voluntary. They always will be. Any missions or programs that God forms among us will be not be more than me and the volunteers “can chew”. I will never again implement some program more than I can joyfully handle without neglecting my marriage and my kids and my duties as a father and husband. If God sees fit to send more committed “volunteers” among my house church ministry, then the “programs” can expand if and only if they bring the life of God among us.

To come to this conclusion is not easy. First, it means that I have to go the process of differentiation. In “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” differentiation refers to living faithful to your true self.  Differentiation refers to a person’s capacity to define his or her own life’s goals and values apart from the pressure of those around them….differentiation involves the ability to hold on to who you are and who you are not. The degree to which you are able to affirm your distinct values and goals apart from the pressures around you (separateness) while remaining close to people important to you (togetherness) helps determine your level of differentiation. “ Differentiation says, “I may not agree with you or you with me. Yet I can remain in relationship with you. I don’t have to detach from you, reject you, avoid you, or criticize you to validate myself. I can be myself apart from you.”   (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. Pg. 82)

It may not be easy to scale back the programs because of others’ expectations. But we need to find out what God wants from us and this is usually what we can handle, and what is for the good of the family. We can not let other’s expectations guide our decisions. It must be from God. We need to pray and seek and find that good and perfect will and follow it.

Second, we need to get more realistic about our own abilities to accomplish some thing for God. From the book, “Emotionally Healthy Spiritually” we learn the difference between our own expectations and our own reality. Peter Scazzero tells us…

“Often we have larger fantasies and wishes for ourselves than our real lives can support. As a result, we work frantically trying to do more than God intended. We burn out thinking we can do more than we can. We get stressed and blame others. We run around frantically, convinced that the world-whether it be our churches, friends, businesses, or children – will stop if we stop. Others of us get depressed because our desires are so high and unachievable that it seems useless to anything at all.

Getting off our thrones and joining the rest of humanity is a must for growing up. A part of us hates limits. We won’t accept them. This is the part of the reason why grieving loss biblically is such and indispensable part of spiritual maturity. It humbles us like little else.” (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. Pg. 149) Again we need to find God’s goals and plans for our family and follow that. Not others’ plans, not even our own plans for ourselves…but God’s plan.

As I once again approach serving my Lord Jesus Christ, there are some things that will be the basis of my house church. I will not “bite off more than I can chew.” I will do what I can do for the Lord and if the Lord raises up willing volunteers than the ministry can expand and grow. As the volunteers grow the more the Christian ministry among us expands.  All spiritual things in my family will be volunteer with no coercion to make people comply. I will find what God wants me to do, even if the plan is not as grand and glorious as I want it to be. I will seek to find out what God wants to do and is doing among our family and honor that first and foremost. I will focus on spiritual maturity, oneness with God and the body of Christ and attaining to the fullness of God in Christ.